


Not Alone

by Finite_lines



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pushing Yourself Too Hard, Self-Esteem Issues, and it wont come till much later, dont hate me, idk how to tag, the relationship can bee seen as friendship or relationship, this is my first fic, title will probably change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finite_lines/pseuds/Finite_lines
Summary: A little look into Ahsoka's struggle growing up during the clone wars and what comes after. This will be centered around an eating disorder that flares up when she get's overwhelmed with everything going on. I suck at descriptions, I would say the story is better but this is my first time writing. If you're sensitive to topics that include eating disorders, I don't recommend reading this.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano, Anakin Skywalker/Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Plo Koon & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little note, Ahsoka is seven in this chapter. I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

The first time Ahsoka consciously started avoiding food was during the second month of her training as a Jedi youngling. 

________________________________________________________

For four years she had been working with various Jedi Masters one on one to help her adjust to the Jedi temple and learn basic etiquette about everything. When she turned seven, Master Plo announced to her that she would be joining classes with other younglings and her official training would start. 

Togruta were social creatures and having been semi isolated for the past few years was difficult for her. At first she was excited to be around other younglings and make friends, but as she joined class, she realized the others would not take to her very easily. Already she stood out by being so energetic and talkative. The others, despite being so young, were well behaved and respectful. She still struggled with some rules and knowing when she should and shouldn’t speak. 

After the first few days the other younglings had started to make small comments about her lack of manners. They started off as innocent as they could be, something like “She sure talks a lot” nothing too bad, but after a few weeks the comments started being deliberately made to hurt her feelings. “No master is ever going to want her, she doesn’t know how to stay in line” “she’s so sloppy, how can anyone stand to watch her do anything” “What a failure” She tried to ignore them and not let the comments get to her, but no matter how much she pretended it didn’t hurt, it did. 

The start of her second month of classes, the comments were only getting worse, and she tried to be as far away from the others as she could. So during lunch instead of going to the caf with the others, she’d hide away in the archives. During her first few times hiding away and not getting lunch, the hunger bothered her, but she eventually got used to it. After all, going hungry was better than being relentlessly teased by other younglings. They might be young but they could still be mean.

Soon her skipping lunch turned into skipping lunch and breakfast as well, because when she woke up her stomach would be in knots thinking about going to class to face the others. Her anxiety was too much for her to even think about eating. The dull ache in her stomach became familiar and she grew to depend on it to distract her from the teasing. She figured she wasn’t doing anything wrong because for a while no one noticed or said anything. She still ate dinner because she knew giving up food completely wasn’t healthy. She’d rush to the caf and quickly get her food before speeding back to her room to eat. Though technically all the girls shared a room, the “room” was more like a small apartment, each girl had their own bedroom and had a shared common center where they could hang out and do their work. Ahsoka never hung out in the common center, she stayed locked away in her small room. She was fine. She was learning to be a jedi, and life was fine. That’s what she told herself when the anxious thoughts started to take over. 

For six months she continued how she was, her weight loss was gradual since the physical part of her training hadn’t started, it wouldn’t for another three standard years, if she passed the classes she was in now. At the six month mark, one of her teachers started to catch on to the fact that she was continuously losing weight. She started to keep her eye on the youngling, and once she realized what Ahsoka was doing to herself, she went straight to Master Plo. 

As soon as Plo Koon heard that his dear little Soka was starving herself, he felt his heart break, she was so young. Ahsoka’s teacher filled him in on everything she’d observed, Plo sat back and closed his eyes. He needed to think about everything and meditate before he decided his course of action. He called out to the force for guidance, this situation was not one he knew how to handle. After spending the night meditating, he finally knew what to do. 

As Ahsoka was readying herself to go to her morning classes, there was a knock on her door. Dread filled her, no one ever sought her out, she didn’t know what to expect. To her surprise, it was Master Plo.

“Master Plo! Welcome, what can I do for you?” She asked, pleased that it was him and not any of her roommates. He smiled, as much as he could with his mask,

“Little Soka, It’s been a while, there are some things we need to discuss,” Though his tone was pleasant and lighthearted, she could sense the urgency under everything else. Her stomach was in knots, her anxiety thundering in her mind, as she desperately tried to keep it behind her feeble mental shields that she had only just begun to learn how to use.

“Oh, o-of course, um we can sit in the common center…” Ahsoka’s anxiety was only increasing as time went on. Master Plo led her to the table and sat down across from her. He stared at her for a moment, gathering his words.

“Soka,” He sighed and continued, “One of your teachers has brought it to my attention that you’ve been losing some weight.” Ahsoka sat up straight, she had no idea what to say. She hadn’t realized anyone had noticed. Before Ahsoka could answer, he continued, “she also said that you’re distant with your class mates and don’t seem to have any friends.” Ahsoka felt as though Master Plo was staring directly into her soul.

“I-i, uh, I just, um, don’t have much in common with my class mates…” Ahsoka trailed off, she felt like if she told him what she was struggling with he would think the same thing as her classmates, that she was “a failure” and “not worthy of being a Padawan.” Shame burned through her, she felt pathetic, being unable to look Master Plo in the eye and speak without stuttering.

“Soka, you are not alone. I know you are hurting right now, I can not help you unless you let me in,” Master Plo spoke gently, “I want to help you,” he said again. Ahsoka breathed deeply and look up at him.

“I feel so alone,” She said finally, when Master Plo didn’t respond, she continued, “My classmates… aren’t too fond of me, I guess. Um, they sometimes say some things that are kind of hurtful…” She stopped for a second, tears coming to her eyes. She breathed again and sat up straight, “I, um, don’t really like being around them when they’re saying those things. So, uh, I kind of avoid them. And for me to do that, I guess I don’t have much time to, um, eat, I guess. And now, I’m just used to it..” She went quiet, to admit out loud that not eating was something she was used to felt pathletic. Ahsoka was worried Master Plo would yell at her and reprimand her.

“Little Soka, look at me,” She did, “You are not alone. If I had known the other younglings were being mean to you I would have helped you sooner-” Ahsoka cut him off,

“NO! I mean, I’m sorry, but I don’t want them to think I’m a scaredy-cat…” She dropped her head after her outburst and crossed her arms over her midsection. Plo Koon sighed,

“Ahsoka, you are not a scaredy-cat. You are a very brave youngling, and you are very strong,” Ahsoka looked up at him, “The struggles you are going through now are nothing to be ashamed of. How about from now on, we eat together. I will come get you for each meal, and we can enjoy each others company,” Ahsoka heart filled with joy.

“You would do that for me?” She asked shyly, Master Plo smiled at her

“Of course Little Soka, I will see you for lunch then?” She beamed at him and nodded. Master Plo left the room, and Ahsoka scrambled to get to her class on time. This time when she had to sit through her classmates' taunts, she just thought of the lunch she would get to enjoy with Master Plo. She tuned them out and focused on her teacher. When lunch time arrived, Master Plo was outside her classroom. Together they walked to the caf, got their lunch, and went to Plo Koon’s quarters to enjoy their food. They did the same thing for dinner.

The shared meals lasted for the next few months before going from every day, to every few days, to once in a while. Ahsoka was ok though, for real this time. She knew now that she wasn’t alone, she would be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'm doing this right lol, I hope you enjoyed my first chapter. It only took me a few hours to write this and I didn't spend much time editing, so there's bound to be some mistakes. Thank you for reading :) please comment any questions, constructive criticism, or anything like that. I honestly don't know what I'm doing lol.


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